While You Were Out

Have I explained on the blog before about how Ross and I never take a vacation together?

Okay, well NEVER is not exactly accurate. But it does seem that my employment and his school are forever at odds.

I came back from my super epic New York trip and everyone was asking, "How did you and Ross like New York?!"



Cos yeeeaaaah, we didn't do that together. We also didn't do this, this, nor any of this. But I'm not here to provide you a comprehensive list of all the stuff I do by myself. That's what this blog is for. Instead I just want to feel happy that Ross finally gets a turn to take a little break. He is officially done with his 3rd year of medical school, he has his Step 2 CK out of the way and he is all but ready to apply to residency. He still has a way to go but you learn to celebrate the small victories.

I kicked him outta the house and told him to use what we have left on those beautiful airline vouchers to visit family and friends in Utah. Our motto, as I am pretty sure I have well documented on the blog, is "If you have the time- find the money."

With 4th year and then intern year of residency and so on, you can't count on ever having time. And the money- well after awhile you stop worrying about having so little- so you just find a way.

He's off on an adventure and I am back at work, or sweltering at home in these warm temps. While he is gone I've been doing a complete bedroom over-haul.

Operation: Organization and Donation.



I have to do this while he is gone so I have enough time and space to make a mess and find a solution. On the right you can see that no matter how hard you try there will always be that pile of stuff leftover. That pile of stuff that you're just not quite sure what to do with.



I am proud to say I donated a bunch^ of stuff and threw away even more. It feels good!

My good friend Mary recently started residency at a nearby hospital. She invited me over for dinner so I made a simple dessert. I brought the leftovers to work and people were beside themselves. Really I think it was just nice to have a pick-me-up now that every one is coming back to work after summer break.



In other cooking endeavors, I thought I would make a special treat for Ross's return from Utah and eventual start of a school/ hospital work again.

I present: Brownie-crust Peanut Butter Chocolate Cheesecake!

It is possible that I went a little over-board with the decorations on the top. Like homemade whipped cream!?

I made a Frankenstein recipe combing and piecing together three different recipes.



It involved a brownie crust, topped with a layer of fudge. Next a peanut butter cream cheese cool whip layer, then some Reeses cups and brownie. After that more of the cream cheese mixture, probably more peanut butter cups, a fudge topping then all the decorations.

It was delicious. It sounds kinda hard but it wasn't at all. Except for the brownie part it was no-bake too! 

If You Experience Side Effects- Please Consult Your Physician

Definition:

side ef·fect noun: a secondary, typically undesirable effect of a drug or medical treatment (or medical school)

And as with many drugs, the side effects are many and varied. I am sure I am not alone. So this post is for all of you who think my life is a glamorous one. Take a long hard look folks, and ask yourself:

"DO I WANT THIS LIFE FOR MYSELF?!?"

Side effects may include:

1) Difficulty growing up- One thing that comes from perpetually being in school is that everyone is growing up besides you. I'm 25 years old and I don't own a car. Well, technically I own OUR car. But I share the car. All your friends are buying houses and you're still too busy hearing your neighbor's cat whine and inhaling your other neighbor's secondhand pot smoke to think about a luxury like a house. ... or maybe even real furniture.

2) Uncontrollable Schedule Movements- You don't understand it. How do people take a WHOLE DAY with their husband? How did he get a day off? Did he win a Nobel Peace Prize? OMG. Please tell me you won the lottery! How else could people work AND plan. Tell me your life secrets!



3) Issues Making Plans- It's Sally's big 3-0 birthday bash and we throwing a huge party for her! I gave you a month and a half notice so you can come right?! Umm, he might be on-call because that's still two rotations away, buut he only needs to work one weekend, buut he might be on night float so maybe we could do lunch, buut maybe he will be getting off 24-hour call and he can sleep while I drive? People don't want to hear your long explanations.



4) Irritability surrounding  EO and anit-vaxxers- Please get out of my face permanently.



5) Hopelessness. The 20-year Plan is the new 5-year Plan. Medicine is a long road. And no one gets it. 4 years undergrad, 4 years of school, 3 years residency and then 2-3 years fellowship. When you're starting 4th year and you remember this:



6) Fatigue. Me from the process, Ross from well, yeah- school. When you are that tired you can fall asleep anywhere any how.

The couch is literally two feet behind you. 

Folks, those are the side-effects. Please consider seriously before starting on a path of being married to a med student. Or don't. But it will happen. And you will wish you had a real physician to consult. 

Poor People Fun

Like most things on this blog the title of this post is (comedically?) dramatic. Mostly because I am insecure about blogging about cheesy newly-wed stuff that is super lame. Admitting is first step to recovery? The second is realizing no one reads your blog so you don't actually care.

Cool.

I've always been the type of person that will spend $5 in gas to get to the $1 movies. But since normal-people-movies are still around $13 a pop, I'm still fetching a bargain! I discovered this theater awhile back and it is a pretty good one for being a cheap theater. We have been here before, once or twice. Not documented on blog due to aforementioned insecurities.



On Wednesday they have a deal. $11 for two admissions, two popcorns, and two sodas. What a luxury! I can't remember the last time I went somewhere with Ross and didn't split a drink.

This is the face of someone who doesn't have to share a popcorn or drink. 

Back on the Bus

Tonight Ross left in a rush and forgot his ID badge. It's not the end of the world, but I figured it would make his life a lot easier if he had it.

So....

Back on the bus.

The bus gives you lots of good ideas for science projects. Mostly involving Petri dishes. 

Just when I thought my bus days were over for good.

But it was an easy trip and a pretty night.

On the way home I let this guy use my phone to make some calls to his wife. He had a pay as you go phone. Out of minutes and confused by how to access his voicemail, I figured it wasn't a big deal to me.

Maybe letting a stranger borrow my phone wasn't the safest move. But on the hour long ride home I thought about it. Does it really matter? IF he decided to make a break for it and steal it, I'd be out a phone.

And...

Nothing else. My photos are backed up. I don't have any sensitive information on there. And I could get my own pay as you go phone. I'm getting sick of stuff. Stuff is just stuff remember? Instead of thinking of my stuff- for some crazy reason- I decided to trust a stranger, who need the help.
Why? Maybe because I still believe in the humans in humanity, or at least want to. Maybe because I have been there before, many times. In need of a phone and also just in need of help and at the mercy of strangers.

It wasn't altruistic. I hope it was just human.

Til Surgery Do Us Part

I can't help but be incredibly pessimistic at times about medical school and it's discontents (me). There are times when things are just really tough. For both of us. Ross is currently in his surgery rotations. His last rotations of his 3rd year of school.

Remember this post? Here's the update.
The core rotations for the 3rd year are:

Internal Medicine

Family Medicine

OB/GYN

Pediatrics

Psychiatry

Surgery

OB/GYN had some pretty entertaining stories. But not to be outdone by psychiatry.

But now it is all about surgery rotations. Surgery is in general famous for it's egotistical doctors and early hours and long days. It has been tough. Ross keeps thinking that the next surgery rotation will bring a more reasonable schedule. But I learned long ago that you never get your hopes up, no matter what Ross's best intentions and hopes are. It works out nicely that I'm the cynical one.

But I love that kid and it made me laugh/ cry when I saw our calendar.



Never has Ross been one to cross off days on a calendar. But in the surgery rotation- it's a must. Because every day is a victory.

Although surgery is maybe making him taking things too seriously. Like going full MD on this tiny splinter I had. You NEVER GO FULL MD!



Medical School means that life will never be normal. Amazon, please stop with the USMLE prep book recommendations. Please continue with the cookbooks.



Selfies without breaking the sterile field. Good luck.



All I know, is that in medical school it is not likely that death will separate a marriage. But surgery rotation just might.

Game Time: Step 2 CS

After a full day of studying, driving, eating, more studying, and crashing...

It was GAME TIME. I think I was more anxious than Ross was. We both kinda joked that i'm not allowed to come anymore because I stress Ross out more than the actual exam does.

As I dropped Ross off at the testing center I was very happy to bump into our old friends from Grenada! What an awesome surprise. We caught up for a moment but they were headed to Disneyland so we agreed to meet up after the guys were done.

While Ross took his exam, I headed to The Valley to hang out with my grandparents. I know I was just there last weekend, but I'm all about seizing the moment. I was thinking I would just hang out and tag along to whatever they were up to, but they had a full day planned for me!

We hung out a little, I helped my grandma sort through some projects, and my grandma showed me some old pictures. I always enjoy seeing photos and hearing stories. I think my grandma figured I had heard enough from my grandpa on his birthday, it was her turn!



I'm kind of obsessed with the top left picture of my grandma when she was so little. She just looks so happy. I like imagining what it must have been like to be my grandma growing up in the Utah countryside back in the day.

Grandma told me that she always wore her hair parted in the center in two braids. She said she didn't like it in her face bothering her. Sounds like something my mom would say. 

Above are my great-grandparents. I remember my great-grandpa really well, I never met my great-grandma. But my mom was very close with both of them and spent a lot of time with them while she was living in Utah as an adult. 

Speaking of my mom...

It is so fun to see my mom as a little baby. Mom's were kids once too, and they have a mom who took care of them! On the right you have my mom, aunt, and uncle next to a huge squash my great-grandpa grew and brought down to California for them. That squash is huge. I think it's funny, "Hey kids, go stand by that squash!"

Can't resist a nice 70's photo. I like my mom's dressy outfit. So snazzy. 

Grandpa was getting a little restless so we headed out. Bookstore. Food. Sopping. And more shopping. We went to the library used bookstore and my grandma said I could have as many books as I liked. Woo hoo. Of course I got at least one cookbook. 

We ate at my favorite Chinese food place. We always go through the back door and now that I kinda look at it, it's definitely a little sketchy looking. But the food is always amazing.

I kept telling my grandparents they didn't have to do all this stuff for me but they insisted saying, "We can sit at home on our butts any day!"

We also stopped at Ross and the new 99 Cents Only store. Which, I don't think I have ever blogged about, but it's definitely my favorite store in the world. Yeah. Before I left to pick up Ross I was loaded up with hand-me downs, fresh oranges, lunch leftovers, books, 4 new pairs of slacks for Ross, groceries, and probably at least two other things I'm forgetting. I said goodbye and headed to the 405 to sit in traffic for about an hour or so.

When we met up with the Cox family, we were all pretty hungry so it didn't take much debate to convince them we should return to the scene of our crime from last weekend in .... Culver City. No pictures, just pure good scarf-age. I was happy that they loved it as much as we did.

After dinner the Coxs had to start their long journey back, and Ross and I weren't exactly eager to jet home. We decided to kill some time in Santa Monica at the Promenade. Pretty sure I need this Flash action hero.

This is my "Yay!! He's done!!!!" face. That's his, "Yay. I'm done. Time to catch up on *yawn* sleep" face. 

Ross said the exam was pretty tricky. And much more difficult than what he had practiced, but he thinks he did well. He will for sure find out in about a month. 

Until next time- I'm looking at you Step 2 CK!

Pre-Game: Step 2 CS

Since I don't drink, I've granted myself the liberty to change the meaning of "pre-game" to mean something entirely different.

Pre-game in this context means going out to eat before med school "game time." Aka before Step 2 CS. Remember that monster exam that Ross took last summer after studying non-stop? This exam is the first part of the second set of licensing board exams and focuses on Clinical Skills. The exam is series of mock appointments with patients presenting with different symptoms. Ross has about 10-15 minutes to talk to the patient, take notes, and do a physical exam. Then he has to type it up, determine what tests he would order, and write a diagnosis. It all goes really fast. Ross has been studying really hard and I've been able to help him. I had maybe a little too much fun pretending to be patients with different symptoms.

But soon I developed a very real and life-threatening symptom- my chronic disease of hanger. We decided it was time for lunch. We both had the day off, so I figured it was the perfect time to try this German food place in San Bernardino. I've had my eye on it for months, but it has horrible hours and is never open when we are around. I kind of explained it, but Ross is so used to me dragging him to random (awesome) places that he just went with it.



And I'm glad we did! We have kinda been hooked on German food ever since Schnitzel Haus. So we were excited to give this place a try. I love their line, "Best of the Wurst." Get it?! 

We were the only ones around and it didn't take us long to order. Part hanger, part being able to navigate a German food menu. Turns out all that humiliation at awful pronunciation at Schnitzel Haus paid off. 

I've realized that I kinda really hate taking pictures with or of my food. Like I'm some social media celebrity. But then again, I can't seem to stop myself. 

Maybe because a smile doesn't get more forced than the minutes between when your food arrives and when you scarf it down. I got the wienerschnitzel and Ross got a sausage sampler plate. The warm potato salad was to die for and even the red cabbage wasn't too bad. They also had warm rye bread and butter while we waited. 

We pre-game pretty serious so we saved room for dessert, which was black forest cake. I guess the baked goods actually come from a German bakery elsewhere. But when it tastes that amazing, I don't really care where it comes from! 

Later that evening Ross was to head out to a motel room he booked in LA for the evening. I was bored and doing nothing so I tagged along. Again we learned the valuable lesson "location, location, location." The Travelodge room was the tiniest thing ever. It was kinda dingy but is right next to LAX (and the testing center) so it cost about $120/ night. Wowzers! 

The thing with this exam, is that it is held in very select locations. We are lucky enough to live close to LA, but people fly to the United States from around the globe to take this exam. Even friends from Northern California had to drive down to take it here. 

And I always tell Ross that when it comes to medical school stuff we "spare no expense." I'll eat ramen for the next month if it means he can save himself the headache of a two and a half hour drive in traffic at 5am before his big exam. Of course, the funny part is that after all that ramen, I'll probably need a doctor to help pump my stomach or cure cancer or revive me from sodium poisoning. Cheers!

This. Week.

This week has been an incredibly long week for me and for Ross. Monday evening we slumped on the couch like we had just run a 10k, minus the benefit of those feel-good endorphins. ...But somehow we still had 4 days left of work/ school.



Tuesday morning I'm not quite sure how I even made it to work alive- and I couldn't stop thinking about getting away this weekend. The weekend that could not come soon enough. I let my mind wander to a Saturday hike, which led to the idea of possibly some overnight camping.



Wednesday I found out I have more vacation days to use than I thought, and only 2 months to use them. I got crazy thinking about flying to New York to see my sister or maybe just flying to the middle of nowhere (Albuquerque I'm looking at you) and never coming back. I reeled in that ridiculousness and decided to just start rounding up the camping gear so I could leave asap Friday after work.     -and maybe never come back.



Now it's Thursday and I can see myself "slipping" my brain is not in my head and I feel like a zombie. I just hope I can make it through the work day without forgetting much.



I literally just sat here at my desk and did that for a quick second when I was sure no one was looking.

C'moooonnn Friday!

I'm ready!... (for the 5pm part of Friday)

$20

I try not to blog about money too much, because I feel it can just bring everyone down. But today I blog about it to commiserate, and have the opportunity to look up GIFs. This week financial issues have slowly piled up and it all came to a head today because of an oil change.

A $20 (because you know I used a coupon) oil change that I had not budgeted for.

Sometime in January I decided to give hardcore budgeting a try. I've always (and constantly) been mindful of the money in my life. I think that was just how I was raised and how I taught myself to be. I was working before I was even 16 and developed a way of thinking in terms of money. This toy is x amount of hours of work became these groceries are x amount of hours of work, and now it's things like rent and car insurance. Unfortunately, as my responsibilities have grown exponentially my (still) hourly wages have not.



So although I have always been pretty frugal, I thought I would hit the budget hardcore after being lackadaisical in previous months. My brother made this incredible excel workbook with all these neat and fancy functions and formulas. And utilizing that, I put in my expected monthly income and -very conservative budget projections.

I was over.



I took a second look and shaved off someone allowances in categories I thought could take it.

I was still over.

Getting increasingly frustrated, I continued this toxic tango until the projected budget lined up within about $3 of my expected income for the month. Disheartened at the extreme lack of wiggle room, I admitted defeat (about the only thing you can do), and wrote down some ideas for how to stay within the budget. You know, like NEVER eat, NEVER go to Target, NEVER use electricity.

Cool.



To say I have been diligent with the budget is a bit of an understatement. It's borderline anal-retentive. As the end of the month approaches I find myself holding my breath whenever I swipe my debit card and crunch the numbers in my worksheet, hoping that I can breathe when it is over instead of passing out.




Then you can imagine my surprise when Ross wanted to take the car in for an oil change TODAY. HELLO IT IS THE 27TH OF THE MONTH! WHOAREYOU?!



And on the inside I was like:




And I just kinda lost it. I have these moments in life- which is just life but I blame it on med school, where things pile up and I break. I break because I. CAN'T. DO. THIS. And I spend every day trying to squash that thought and tell myself I can. I can hold it together. I can make rent payments and eat food. If you thought others were bad at convincing me, you should hear myself. Because I suck.

That brings me to the comfort people try to offer. "When Ross is a doctor, you will have it made!" Have I mentioned this on the blog before? Or have I just thought about it a million times? Yes. Thank you person-who-has-no-idea-what-I-am-going-through. That is super helpful that SOMEDAY Ross will be out of school/ training! And after 8 years of school and 6 years of training he will have a job. That is so so so helpful to remind me of that. Maybe you could also remind me of how much money Ross pays every day to go to school? Or remind me the rate at which those loans are gaining interest? Or if you want something to sting a little closer to home you can remind me of how short I am falling on saving for Ross's residency application come this fall.

Because in the meantime I am perfectly content with crying over how I don't even have $20 for an oil change.

Music Mondays #16: We All Start Again

Ross is Alarm Man. Since pretty much all my transportation is dependent on Ross's schedule, he is in charge of setting the alarm or letting me know when we need to wake up to get out the door on time. Perhaps it's a little juvenile, but I refuse to feel daily frustration at schedule upheaval due to medical school. The point of this diatribe is to say that Ross sets the alarm and periodically changes the music for the alarm. Currently it is, "Days Go By" by The Offspring. It's a good song, and therefore causes less panic and commotion when it goes off.

I usually have the song stuck in my head during the day, and I got to thinking it would be a great Music Monday. In my very first Music Monday I mentioned how people are usually surprised at my music preferences. Now you find yourself with the information that I listen to The Offspring, maybe you are surprised once again. "Days Go By" is off one of their newer albums, so maybe it is less known because who listens to The Offspring outside of the 90s anyways, right?

But let's get to it.

"All our yesterdays are pictures lost in time. Never enough, towers crumble to dust. Looking back on the moments of our lives." 

Awhile back I started a post about looking back on my time in Grenada. Writing these lyrics makes me laugh because Grenada seems to be just that; pictures lost in time, huge monuments of adversity that are just dust now.

You guys, it's March. Almost the TENTH of March in fact. It seems like time is just flying by.

"Stars still burn bright, seasons change overnight. As we find a way the times they come and go." 

Grenada days are long gone, and even Ross's 3rd year is zipping along. Our friends in Grenada just put in preferences for clinical placement, and our friends a year ahead of us have ten days until The Match (for residency). As we find a way through life, time has a habit of just rolling along.

"Look back in love, a new day rises above. With the wind it comes to carry you back home."

I love this line because it seems to me that looking back in love is dependent on the new day rising above. When we have the promise of a new day I think it is easier to look back with love. Not because those times seem to have been easier, but because we have a new day ahead to start fresh.

"All your anger all your hurt doesn't matter in the end. Those days go by and we all start again. What you had and what you lost, they're all memories in the wind. Those days go by and we all start again."

I almost like the fact that this song isn't so much about forgiveness or repentance or a resolution to do better. It's simply "... we all start again." It's the idea of the perspective we will gain. When? Not sure. But it will come eventually. Our pain and adversity, though never inevitable, will soon become a memory.

QW #23: If You Dream...

I think sometimes I can sound a little negative. But I call that realism.

Real enough to know that good things can happen, but life also happens.

Source: Get Back to Work by Drew Ellis

"If you dream big enough anything can come true. Just kidding get back to work." 

Personally, I am a little tired of people and things telling me that I am only limited by how big I dream. Because (to borrow words from a Disney princess), "a dream is a wish your heart makes," but then work is stuff your brain and hands do. Maybe this is all unsaid but implied. 

Not to turn biblical, but ever heard of the scripture verse in James 2:17? It reads, "Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone." In this case, faith would be dreams. Faith and dreams take a lot of hard work.

We live in a society that tells us we can have anything and everything we want at our finger tips in an instant. We forget that's not true for the bigger and better things in life. Ross can't become a doctor in an instant. And although he is working at the dream, chipping away at it, it takes a great deal of really intense work, for a trillion instants which add up to years and years. I don't think people really understand how long it will take Ross to be where he has always dreamed of. 

But more than that, I like the principle this quote conveys of, "hey- sometimes you have to do your time." I believe that sometimes dreams have to take the back burner. Ross is working hard at his dream. I am not. The fact of the matter (especially in relationships) is that someone has to sacrifice. And although sacrificing everything to move to Grenada for Ross's dream was probably one of the more extreme dreams-on-the-back-burner situations, that is the way it happened. I can dream big, but right now I just need to get back to work- literally. I have a job to do and money to make to pay rent :)