I Had A Dream (Music Monday #19)

Saturday morning I woke up wondering if it was all a dream.

I sat in bed just kinda blinking, wondering if a pinch would bring me back to reality. I looked down at my shirt.

"Brian Fallon brand Painkillers"

It was tangible evidence that it wasn't a dream. I've done almost the same ritual every morning since, Because Friday night I had one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

I'll back up to the beginning where I banished my introvert-self and bought a ticket to head out to the middle of the desert (afterwards my mom asks, "Did you go to a rave?!"). Busy Friday evening traffic gave way to the lonely highway 62, which gave way to Pioneertown Road and rolling desert hills. I was expecting at least a little more fanfare for such an important event. Maybe a gas station or liquor store, but there was none. Blink and you'll miss the marquee-style sign, squint and you'll make out the words "Pappy and Harriet's -Pioneertown-," and a single neon "Budweiser" sign in the window.

Unlike a large LA venue, you're not getting there at least 30 minutes early to find & pay $15 for a random public parking lot. I just rolled into a dirt lot and parked, figuring this "parking space" was as good as any. I've never been so eager to turn off Brian Fallon's music- but just so I could get to hear him sing it in person.

I strolled up to the door, got my will-call ticket wristband and headed through the bar and restaurant to the tiny dance floor in front of a small stage. With some time to kill, I bought a shirt (what I would later cling to as proof!) and patiently waited for Johnny Two Bags, the opening act. I moved my way to the front and found myself pleasantly situated in the front center, about a foot from the stage and just behind a single layer of people.

Johnny Two Bags is Johnny Wickersham, front man and lead guitarist for the famous Social Distortion.



Since said introvert-banishing and ticket purchasing happened so last minute, I didn't have much time to check out his music beforehand. And that is a shame because it is incredible. Very catchy and easy to sing to. My favorite is "One Foot in the Gutter"

"It's been such a long, long time. And the devils and angels hanging around my bed,they don't seem to mind. They gonna drag me into the abyss or into a state of eternal bliss. I got one foot in the gutter,and one foot kicking in the door to heaven."

Johnny put on a great show. It was just him and his guitar. I always feel that solo acts take so much more talent and charisma. Amazing.

But I have to admit, that I was a little bummed out because it seemed like some of the people around me couldn't hang. There is a certain unspoken and basic etiquette (I thought) at shows. Like for one, don't be rude if you're in the front row, three feet from an artist. Like maybe hold off on checking your Instagram feed for 40 minutes. Like maybe don't drunkenly yell about your freaking cat to the people around you. 

Still, it was incredible. Saturday morning I promptly ordered his album and listened to it all day long. 

Monday I returned from work to find that it had arrived (seemed like it took a small eternity!) and it was fun to complement the live experience with a vinyl experience. The album is very different because it has a full band playing along with Johnny, so the sound is a little different but still great.

In between sets you could tell everyone was anxiously awaiting Brian Fallon and the Crowes and literally getting pushy. The drunk girl decided to attempt an altercation with me as she slurred out how she knows Brian Fallon and I can even ask him myself. Trust me lady, if I'm talking to Brian Fallon, it isn't going to be about you. Just be cool.

Soon enough Brian Fallon and the Crowes filled the stage. Even remembering this part makes me grin like a goon. It was the craziest feeling to see a musician who you've followed for 8 years just walk right in front of you. They started out with the Horrible Crowes song "Last Rites," it's only about a minute and a half but I think it is the perfect song to open with. It is also the first track on the Horrible Crowes album. My favorite part about it, and my favorite part throughout the set, is the look of pure joy on Brian Fallon's face as he plays. I hate to sound so corny, but you can see the music fill up his soul and as the harmonies all come together he gets this smile like "nailed it!"

One of the biggest reasons I go to concerts is for the chatter between songs. If I'm a fan I've bought the music and I listen to it routinely. But the funny stories and banter with the crowd is truly what I live for. Fallon did not disappoint. Ross had the opportunity to see him when he toured with The Gaslight Anthem about 5 years ago. And that was his favorite part too. When he came back from the concert (it was at a 21+ venue so I just stayed home and cried my eyes out) he said how fun it was to listen to his stories.

I didn't have much space on my phone for photos and videos (despite hours of desperate attempts to clear stuff off-ugh.). But nothing would have been able to capture what an incredible experience it was. Most of the music was from his work the The Horrible Crowes, mixed with new songs from his solo album. It was a mix of old of favorites, new favorites, and soon-to-be new favorites that I had only listened to bootleg versions of on YouTube.

The venue is definitely unique. It's small and wonderful. Similar in many ways to the small-medium venues I went to when I was in Utah. But you don't have that "neutral zone." You know that 4 foot buffer-zone where security stands to catch the crowd surfers? Nope. So you are right there, I spent the night about 6 feet from my favorite musician. The stage itself is probably only raised about a foot. Being so short would've been a challenge had I not been up so close. Brian (we are on a first name basis now) even joked how close everyone was, "If you guys had mono I would probably catch it!" 

During the show I just kept thinking how unreal it was. It felt like I had won some sort of contest, scored a VIP pass or something. I was grinning from ear to ear and singing my heart out even if I was so star-struck that I couldn't remember all the words. I know this sounds awfully fangirl of me, but he definitely noticed me and smiled. I know it sounds insane. Because I am and it was.

Some other highlights: 

• cover of Atlantic City by Bruce Springsteen.
• talking about how if he had a ton of money he'd want to throw pizza of the White House.
• final song of the evening, "Behold the Hurricane" which has quickly become a new favorite off the album, "Elsie."

Even though it was only released a week ago, "Smoke" is my favorite off of (soon-to-be-released) Painkillers. Okay, maybe "A Wonderful Life" is too. His performances are just so passionate and genuine. Check out "Smoke" here. 

"And you never ended up coming home, you just Became something like some smoke that I tried too hard to hold. And when I awoke, everything had changed you see, I Left my home, returned something different, I was Beaten to death, bleeding to death with regret."

I know he commonly meets with fans, so I was bummed when they didn't come back for an encore song even after all our my cheering. But I know they play a show tomorrow night up north so I just told myself they were in a hurry. I was still reeling from the experience. 

As I headed back out to the car I had this Lifetime movie-esque moment where I looked up at the thousands of desert-sky stars and just laughed about what a crazy experience it was. It felt so strange to hear him on the stereo in my car. Not the same. 

Later that evening I posted a picture on my Instagram. My sister asked, "Sooo, that's like a stock photo right? Like one the press took?" 

Nope! That picture was taken on my phone just below my face! I continue to be totally weird about the experience. I will have to post some video soon. 

Music Monday #18 Odds Are

As I embarked on writing this post, I soon realized that last Music Monday was actually a Barenaked Ladies song. Am I allowed to do two in a row?

Of course. I do what I want.

I picked out this song some time last week, making a mental note to write about it the following Monday. In my infinite wisdom, I really needed to re-listen to the song today.

"Odds Are" by Barenaked Ladies

Warning: Maybe like one swear.

Admittedly, I have lost touch with "BNL" over the years. But with every new album I have the opportunity to re-discover my love for their talent and superb music videos.

The music video for this song is awesome. It may take a few watches before you catch everything that is going on- aliens, meteors, stock market crash, UFOs, zombies, blazing earth, and frogs raining down from the sky. As with most songs by the band, the lyrics are witty and fun. Between the lyrics and the video, we are introduced to all those horrible awful things that could go wrong.

It is pretty humorous, my favorite part is the, "Volcano Erupts Baby Dinosaurs." And of course, the smiling news anchors despite delivering the worst news ever. But in the middle of all this the message is:

"The odds are that we will probably be alright."

I used to over-think things so much it was crazy. "But what if..." was my favorite phrase. I think being so young you have the world before you. You tend to have (1) ONE! set plan that you are determined to stick to despite one million terrifying trajectories.

But as you go through life and you experience those terrifying trajectories, you find life isn't quite what you had hoped... but you're still alright. And maybe things aren't as dramatic as we think.

Things. Will. Be. Okay. (A main theme on this blog) Because:

"Not a damn thing will go wrong!"

Or it will and you'll be totally fine. :)

Music Monday #17: When I'm Rich

When Ross is a doctor we are going to be so rich. Besides that whole paying back loans and hopefully maybe finally getting a second car and who knows maybe a house and hopefully having a family.... besides all THAT, we will probably going to be rich. So quite naturally I have big, BIG plans for when that day comes.



And when I get carried away thinking about being able to have nice things, I think of this song:

If I Had a Million Dollars by Barenaked Ladies

In junior high and high school I had two main musical group squeezes. One of those was Barenaked Ladies. Probably because it was loved by my parents and older brother, the music was much more accessible. I specifically remember this song being on one of my brother's famous mixes, and I would listen to it over and over.

Being a song from the band Barenaked Ladies, you would expect that it is a bit silly. Here are some of my favorite bits:

Well, I'd buy you a house/ I would buy you a house. And if I had a million dollars/ If I had a million dollars. I'd buy you furniture for your house. Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an ottoman.

The other day when I was cleaning the apartment I took a step back and looked at our funny furniture. Our dinning room table is a card table borrowed from my grandparents, our couch is an ugly floral number that was free, and we have about four $10 ottomans we got when we were first married (our first "couch") that we can use as fancy extra seating. It's not much, and I don't mind. But I do find myself laughing when all my friends are buying nice big homes, and I'm dreaming of a day I can own my own card table dinning room table set.



There is another part about building a tree fort and having a tiny fridge in the fort.

We could just go up there and hang out/ like open the fridge and stuff. And there'd all be foods laid out for us/ like little pre-wrapped sausages and things. 

Maybe this is my junior high self talking but if I had even a thousand dollars (might need a yard though) I would build a tree fort with a mini fridge because that is just plain awesome.

In Ross's first year of medical school I distinctly remember a friend asking me what I think we will do with our money when we have it. What "kind of family will you be?" This caught me a little off-guard. And she explained further, "Like will you be a boating family? or...?" And it clicked. Like what will your family hobby be!

And ever since I have kind of thought about that... when you have money... what will you do with your money?



I like that idea.

Here is my list of "big ticket" items that I want when I make it big.

1) A few weeks ago I was thinking about how we will be moving this summer (again, I know). And I was almost brought to tears thinking of how an apartment with a washer and a dryer IN THE UNIT might be in my foreseeable future. And by foreseeable future I mean in the next 5 years.



2) This is where things get really crazy. I want my own car. Not any car. But this baby.
 But I would also settle for any of these. The orange corvette is actually for Ross.



3) Unlimited data. I know, I like to live life on the edge -or rather, I don't. Can you imagine never again having to screen capture a thousands different versions of your google maps directions in order to get somewhere?!



When I get rich, I will do exactly that ^ in my tree fort, while streaming something on my phone, with clothes in my own rented washer and dryer, while looking down at my own car.

...And I will listen to this song.

Music Mondays #16: We All Start Again

Ross is Alarm Man. Since pretty much all my transportation is dependent on Ross's schedule, he is in charge of setting the alarm or letting me know when we need to wake up to get out the door on time. Perhaps it's a little juvenile, but I refuse to feel daily frustration at schedule upheaval due to medical school. The point of this diatribe is to say that Ross sets the alarm and periodically changes the music for the alarm. Currently it is, "Days Go By" by The Offspring. It's a good song, and therefore causes less panic and commotion when it goes off.

I usually have the song stuck in my head during the day, and I got to thinking it would be a great Music Monday. In my very first Music Monday I mentioned how people are usually surprised at my music preferences. Now you find yourself with the information that I listen to The Offspring, maybe you are surprised once again. "Days Go By" is off one of their newer albums, so maybe it is less known because who listens to The Offspring outside of the 90s anyways, right?

But let's get to it.

"All our yesterdays are pictures lost in time. Never enough, towers crumble to dust. Looking back on the moments of our lives." 

Awhile back I started a post about looking back on my time in Grenada. Writing these lyrics makes me laugh because Grenada seems to be just that; pictures lost in time, huge monuments of adversity that are just dust now.

You guys, it's March. Almost the TENTH of March in fact. It seems like time is just flying by.

"Stars still burn bright, seasons change overnight. As we find a way the times they come and go." 

Grenada days are long gone, and even Ross's 3rd year is zipping along. Our friends in Grenada just put in preferences for clinical placement, and our friends a year ahead of us have ten days until The Match (for residency). As we find a way through life, time has a habit of just rolling along.

"Look back in love, a new day rises above. With the wind it comes to carry you back home."

I love this line because it seems to me that looking back in love is dependent on the new day rising above. When we have the promise of a new day I think it is easier to look back with love. Not because those times seem to have been easier, but because we have a new day ahead to start fresh.

"All your anger all your hurt doesn't matter in the end. Those days go by and we all start again. What you had and what you lost, they're all memories in the wind. Those days go by and we all start again."

I almost like the fact that this song isn't so much about forgiveness or repentance or a resolution to do better. It's simply "... we all start again." It's the idea of the perspective we will gain. When? Not sure. But it will come eventually. Our pain and adversity, though never inevitable, will soon become a memory.

Music Monday #15 The Thousands of Stars

Sometimes, I have very specific memories of music. I remember the very first time I listened to Angels and Airwaves. I was sitting in my boyfriend's car at a gas station on University Parkway, listening to the music he had playing from his ipod. I remember sneaking a look at the ipod while he was gone so I could find out what band it was. And as they say, "the rest is history" (for me and Angels and Airwaves at least).

Angels and Airwaves already had two CDs out by that point, so I had a great deal of catching up to do, but they quickly became my favorite band. For many months I listened to them exclusively. Being very formative and important years of my life, it's not too dramatic to say they got me through a lot. Even as I continue to listen to the music after all these years, I can think of thousands of associated memories. Some make me happy, some make me sad, and most always it, well, inspires me.

I think it is about time I do a Music Monday for one of my favorite songs from the band.

"Call to Arms" is from the band's second album, I-Empire. It is an amazing song and I've thought out many different interpretations for it. Today I am just going to pick out some lines.

"Have you ever felt a sad heart buried alive?/ You can do almost anything." 

The imagery in this line always gets me. In our moments of true desperation, when we feel truly forsaken and forgotten, the imagery of a sad heart buried alive begins to capture it. But this is followed directly by the line, You can do almost anything. It makes me think of a friend encouraging and lifting you up.

"And the thousands of stars come out thousands of times/ We can go, only if you believe/ Only if you believe."

A great deal of Angels and Airwaves music is centered around space and ethereal themes. Which again, makes the imagery of stars in the night sky absolutely stunning. I think back to times when I have seen the stars best. It was in isolated places, when the night was darkest. Only then are the stars most visible and bright. The stars have shown up in the night sky thousands upon thousands of billions of times. It is a pretty sure thing. The next line speaks to me about faith, believing. And how it is crucial in life.

"Do you feel like you've lost everything you can lose?/... Do you ever lay awake with a look in the eye?/ Asking God if a wish is too big to deny/ I will offer a line, and it's ready for use."

I think we've all had times in our life when even when surrounded by people we know love us, we feel so alone. This song always gives me hope. That desperation I was talking about, the feeling of not being able to lose any more than you have, are captured in these lines. Maybe it is the christian in me that likes the next bit. There have been so many times in my life where I have pleaded with God. Whether it is on my knees in prayer or lying awake at night, hoping in faith that my wish wasn't too big to be denied.

"When you can't go on, you got to get up and try/ This is it, can you feel me?/ When the bombs come down, you will make it alive/ But only if you want to believe." 

Again, I think of an encouraging friend who is right by your side. With the name of this song being, "Call to Arms" I appreciate the line about the bombs coming down, and making it out alive. Because in life we all have our metaphorical wars and battlefields. Call to Arms is a summon, an order, to take up and fight, which we all need to do to make it out alive.

This last little bit I love because I can never nail down what I think it means.

"I'd like to say, that you're my only fear/ and when I dream, it slowly disappears/ And when I wake, I'm right here by your side/ to feel your heart, beat in and out of time." 

I have a few ideas... but what are yours?

Music Mondays #14: Secrets

Music Mondays are becoming my favorite part of my blog because I can ramble and consider it an update on my life.

Now I have Sirius xm Radio in my car, I have exposure to lots of new music, and of course now I can listen to the Pilion station and bug the crap out of Ross. Definitely a plus. I heard "Secrets" by Mary Lambert and I first I was mostly weird'd out and turned off. After a quick comment about it to my mom, who I thought would agree with me, she just said, "Yes, it is interesting."

I took that cue to look it up and take a closer listen, after which, I decided that I really liked it.

-May Lambert- Secrets (ft. B.o.B.) (Warning: One or two swears)

I honestly haven't listened to much of her other music, but I like that because it makes this Music Monday different from others.

The song is a list of a bunch of her secrets with the catchy refrain:

"They tell us from the time we're young, to hide the things that we don't like about ourselves,
Inside ourselves,
I know I'm not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else,
Well, I'm over it."

It's alarmingly true. We keep all these secrets inside and social media helps us highlight all the highs and bests in our lives. Lambert's song is filled with funny, odd, sad, and interesting "secrets." The song got me thinking of some of my own secrets that I could share with the world my blog readers. I think secrets are sometimes just weird things about ourselves that you'd die if someone found out about. So don't worry, this isn't a blog post that'll make you feel awkward for reading it. You won't have to reevaluate our friendship or call me up to make sure I'm stable. Although, you can if you want.

Secret #1

Growing up I kinda hated on women who were all "stay at home mom and love it!!!!!" Cos I felt like they had no personality or goals. But now, I really want that for myself. Not the mom thing. Just the stay at home thing. But instead of raising the next generation, managing a household, and otherwise being supermom, I'll sit around and binge watch every episode of anything on Netflix. Take that for personality and life goals! (Future Employers: Totally a joke! ... Hire me please?) 

Secret #2

I hate that my hair is turning darker now I'm not constantly in the sun. I've always been a kinda "all natural embrace your color" kinda girl. But now, and not so secretly now, I wish I had the money to get it dyed to how it was a few months ago. 

Secret #3

You guys, I loved Miley Cyrus's Wrecking Ball. I loved it like a secret chocolate cake at a Weight Watchers meeting. Because I knew it was bad for me, and I knew I shouldn't, but I did. Ooooohh, I did. I'm not one for pop music and I've never listened to Miley's music other than the first few seconds of a song before I changed the radio station. So this caught me totally off guard but ... This was a "listen on repeat" thing for like, at least a few weeks.

That was liberating. As Mary sings,

"I don't care if the world knows what my secrets are, secrets are (x2)

So what."

So what are your secrets that you don't care if the world knows about?

Piolín

Piolín

Music Monday #13: Wasting My Life

Sometimes, I reach out to life and I get sucker punched in my gut.

Okay, not really, but I thought that was dramatic enough to open this blog post.

For Music Monday, I was thinking maybe, just finally, I'd do a blog post. Not really having any song in particular to blog about, I thought it would be fun to do the first song that came on random.

Here we go:

Wasting My Life -The Hippos- was my sucker punch cos I really don't need my itunes shuffle rubbing it in that I have been doing nothing with my life lately.

(Or maybe I did)

I just came across this music video for the song and it's so completely, utterly ridiculous (but it's 90's ska so it actually makes perfect sense, "AMOEBAS!!!!"). I had to include it.

I've mentioned my love for ska over and over again. I could pick a new band every Monday and possibly never run out of Mondays. The Hippos were one of my later ska band acquisitions and admittedly this song isn't as ska as pop, but that's besides the point.

The point is, I dedicate this song to my current job search (she).

"Something in the way she never looks my way

I'm in love

Something in the way she doesn't hear a word I say

I'm in love

...

She's out of my league I'm insane

Am I wasting my life waiting for you?

wasting my life

waiting for you,

wasting my life

waiting for you."

Music Monday #12: Time to Move On

If I'm blogging, there is a good chance that I am putting off something that really needs to be done.

This time it's packing.

Again.

I've lost count of the number of times I have packed up this summer. Moving or traveling, I find myself here again. But this time with a little more finality.

This morning I woke up with a few lines of this Tom Petty song stuck in my head. Although I have many daunting tasks today, these random lines made me so happy. They made me happy because there are some musicians that will always remind me of my dad. Shoeless summers in the Palmdale heat, Saturday morning house cleaning, or just riding in the car windows rolled down with the wind in my hair.

Always happy memories, put to the tunes of the best of them all.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers -Time to Move On

I can't think of a better way to put the last few days. I feel like Wednesday - Saturday were 4 years, not 4 days. I haven't been back in California for a week but I feel like I've been here a month. But at the same time, things have happened so fast. It's been a bit chaotic.

Apartment hunting was a true nightmare - but we signed for a place.

We weren't anticipating to buy a car - but we did!

I sit here and reflect on everything. And the one thing that keeps coming to my mind is the chorus and beginning of this song:

"It's time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
It's time to move on, it's time to get going"

Ross and I are starting a new chapter of our lives (and I'm trying as hard as I can to yank the door shut on the previous chapter). But we are still in a great bit of uncertainty. We don't really know what lies ahead. But as Petty sings, the grass is growing under our feet -new things are happening and hopefully this means greener pastures.

The song has some great lines. It talks about forgiveness, moving on, and looking forward. Some of the last lines:

"Like a deer in the headlights
Frozen in real time
I'm losing my mind"

I almost laughed when listening to these this morning. I could only think, "Yep!" The whole ordeal is a bit nerve-wracking. I can only hope that Ross and I have made good choices, mostly to be sure that losing my mind was the only and best option.

Music Monday #11: Somewhere in the Between

With the amount of chaos that my life is currently engulfed in, I feel like I am taking it pretty well. I thought moving to Grenada warranted a freak-out but now that looks like cake.

With all the stress in my life right now I try to take things one day at a time, and at least have confidence that I have a blanket to sleep on the street with, legs to walk at least a few miles a day if necessary, and my best friend who I only occasionally want to strangle (...jokes!).

But every once in a while I just break down. I'm pretty calm and confident on the outside but sometimes it just all builds up and comes crashing down in a magnificently ugly sob-cry phone call home. This whole road is sloppily paved (Grenada-"paved") with new rock-bottoms and new heartbreaks. Just when you think it can't get worse, can't get tighter, BOOM -surprise!- it does.

Let me introduce you to the head smashing tunes of Streetlight Manifesto. They aren't for everyone. Even the lyrics themselves can be a bit ... melancholy. When I listen to them around my parents they affectionately refer to them as ska/ punk-rock on drugs. Which, means a lot coming from their generation. So listen at your own discretion.

Today I refer us to the song that is the namesake for this particular album, "Somewhere in the Between."

It's always been one of my favorites and today, in a first in Music Monday history, I had the chance to discuss it with Ross. My life is a lot of Somewheres in the Betweens, I don't know where I will be tomorrow, I don't know where I will be living next week.

The whole song is a reflection on life or the "somewhere in the between" (between birth and death).

The song starts:

"You were gone when we found you. You were practically surrounded, you were trapped. But the opposition stalled, their blood ran cold. When they saw the look of love in your eyes."

Ross and I had different ideas when we read this part. I had always thought "gone" was metaphorical. I sort of took it to mean emotionally "gone." Perhaps distant or depressed, especially in reference to the next feeling of being surrounded and trapped. Ross took it to mean physically gone, being dead. I think that makes sense. I like it. Either way, the main point of this verse is the last line. The love in this individual's eyes is so powerful that even the opposition is stalled. Throughout his whole life, good and bad, it's summarize by an expression of love.

The next verse reflects on the journey of life. I love the optimism. It's real optimism that isn't overpowering or corny. To me it feels authentic, like someone is coming to the conclusion right now as they are thinking about it. Scratching their chin and shrugging a little.

"Maybe the times we had, they weren't that bad. And everything else was part of the plan."

I'm not going to go through every lyric of the song. I thought discussing this with Ross would clear things up, but it only opened up more room for interpretation, so I will do the same for you.
When this chorus is repeated the words change a little bit.

"Maybe the times we had, they weren't that bad. And everything else was part of our path."

Whether it is plan/ or path I like the way he expresses his feelings about the negative parts of life. Let's admit it, life kinda sucks sometimes. But, with the perspective that the afterlife could give us, will we just look back, shrug and say "Yep, we needed those parts too"?

"So you were born and that was a good day. Someday you'll die and that is a shame. But somewhere in the between was a life of which we all dream. And nothing and no one will ever take that away"

The last line gives a feeling of ownership. Your life is yours and yours alone. No one can live it for you, claim it for you, take it away from you. I haven't been thinking that my life is something of which I've dreamed about, but I hope someday soon I can have a little more perspective.

The whole song is a celebration of life. Life is not a phase or a step. It's important and you need to make the most of it. There will be bad times. Like when you are out of money and expected to move to a new city. But there are also good times. Like eating pizza with your best friends while talking about Adventure Time.

Life isn't a waiting room where we lazily leaf through out-dated magazines and wait to be called to our afterlife appointment.

"And someday soon my friends. This ride will come to an end. But we can't just get in line again."

This is it folks! Our one and only ride. No fast passes but also no re-dos. Make it count. 

P.s. Check out the symbolism in this sweet album cover art!

Music Monday #10: I Lived

Once again, my bag is packed. This summer has been: land, wash, rinse, pack, repeat. Whether it is a week long trip, a destination two states away, or overnight at my sister's place, I'm always on the move. And honestly I'd  have it no other way. I stay in a place for a week and I'm itching to just ... Well, go.

Thanks a lot Grenada, I blame this for you too.

On my most recent visit with my sister, she introduced me to One Republic's newest album, Native. I can't say that I listened to them much other than those almost irritatingly catchy radio hits years and years ago. But after listening to this album, it was love at first listen. Some songs I didn't care for as much, but this one really caught my attention.

I lived -One Republic-

The first verse starts:

Hope when you take that jumpYou don't feel the fall

-Taking jumps is a scary thing that we all do in life. Sometimes it's more of a push than a voluntary jump, but the fall comes eventually and I love the idea that the fall doesn't have to feel painful.

Hope when the water rises, You built a wall. Hope when the crowd screams out, They're screaming your name.

-This line isn't the last of the verse, but man it gives me goosebumps. I just think of what an incredible feeling it would be to have people screaming your name. Not literally per se, but just to have a huge crowd of people rooting for you, being on your side. 

Hope if everybody runs, You choose to stay.

-In this huge scary thing called life, there are times when we need to run, and times when we need to stay, and often, times when we need to do the unpopular thing.

Hope that you fall in love, And it hurts so bad, The only way you can know, You give it all you have

-I like this song because there are many ways to listen, hear, and interpret the lyrics. Ross heard this bit and thought this part was strange. I like it. I know the feeling of loving so much it hurts inside. But it's one of those "jumps" in life. It's one of those jumps that requires a running start. The kind where you swing your arms to "give it all you have." 

And I hope that you don't suffer But take the pain. Hope when the moment comes, You'll say... I, I, II did it all. I, I, II did it all. I owned every second that this world could give, I saw so many places, the things that I did. Yeah with every broken bone, I swear I lived

-The chorus is incredible. With flying to a new place and seeing family I haven't seen in literally years, I'm so anxious. Not in a bad, stressed out way, but a happy way. A really excited and happy way. When I first heard this song I thought about all my summer plans. I have so much planned and it is all so exhilarating. It's all happening all at once. I want to see so many places. I want to own every second this world gives me. And at the end of this summer, this year, this day, this month, this life... I hope I can swear that I lived.

Hope that you spend your days, And they all add up.

-I think this is my sister's favorite line in the song. It's clever. I spend so many days -yes, whole days- being worthless. It amounts to days that are, well, meaningless. But recently my days have really been adding up. It's time I will never get back, and when I spend it in a way that adds to my happiness, it builds me up and makes me rich. 

And when that sun goes down, Hope you raise your cup. Oh, oh oh. I wish that I could witness All your joy And all your pain But until my moment comes I'll say [CHORUS]

This song gives me this crazy feeling of invincibility. Like maybe I will just spread my wings and fly myself to Kentucky tomorrow. I keep listening to it on repeat and thinking of how much I have to look forward to in life. How lucky I am. How much work I still have left to do. 

Music Monday #9: Goodbyes

I fly out of Grenada this week. It's a bit insane to think of just how long I have waited for this moment. Of course the implications of this long awaited wish, are the I now need to focus on cleaning, packing, beach trips, and goodbyes.

For Music Monday I present you with two "Goodbye" songs of sorts. Not cute ones, like John Denver. We should know that isn't what I am all about. I'm am terrible at goodbyes. I am, in fact so terrible at them, I have actually mastered them. I don't like to get teary-eyed and weepy and focus on THIS IS THE LAST TIME EVER I WILL SEE YOU. In part because that is very hefty, and in part because I don't believe it is true.

I am a firm believer that life is weird enough that we re-connect with people all the time. Whether it is true or not, I really hold on to that.

Bouncing Souls is a band I never listened to before Ross. And now I am hooked. I seem to always find new gems from them. Today I have two songs from them that are perfect for life right now.

"True Believers" is a short little song. Here are some of the lyrics:

I've met some people along the way
Some of them split some of them stay
Some of them walk some walk on by
I've got a few friends I'll love till I die

 Grenada has brought me close to so many incredibly wonderful people. I've made friendships here that I know will last forever. Just a few days ago I actually got teary eyed thinking about leaving this place. That was a first.

From all of these people I try to learn
Some of them shine some of them burn
Some of them rise some of them fall
For good or bad I've known them all

People are really funny that way. But what a blessing to have friends that teach us. Friends that shine and rise and are influences for good in our life!

The next song is also from Bouncing Souls. Ross sent it to me last week and we both agreed that it was perfect for our life right now.

"Better Things" is a really hopeful song. It's the kind of song we all need after a hard day, or a move across the globe.

The next song I want to share with you is by the same band. But before I debut it, I want to take some pictures of this, my last week here. I might make it it's own post, or I might just update this one.

Stay tuned!

(ha... ha. Get it?!)

Music Monday #8: Tell Your Folks!

Amongst my love of ska and punk rock music, I love folk music. It's random. But like most things, I like to blame it on my parents. They raised me on the blues folk music of the 70's. Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Janis Jopin, to name a few. While in college I discovered a local folk artist, Joshua James.

His music is beautiful.

In the past years I have gotten in the habit of listening to him when I need to calm down, or fall asleep. The music is very soothing and relaxing.

I called upon his magical powers this morning while I had a furious, depressing, stressful meltdown less than an hour in to my work shift. Wiping the tears away and taking a deep breathe because the shift must go on, I plugged into the ipod and beheld the Joshua James shuffle option.

Christmas 2012 Santa surprised me with a digital download of his album From the Top of Willamette Mountain. Santa might have regretted it afterwards because on the rainy, cloudy, dreary day, I listened to that album about 10 times all the way through. That album is my favorite, but in true Kristen fashion, i'm going to highlight a song from a different album.

"Lawn Full of Marigolds" is from his second album, "Build Me This."

I'm not going to break down the song bit by bit this time. I feel like his songs are so filled with emotion and meaning, darkness and hope, that it is better to get from it what you need.

I'll just leave you with my favorite bit:

"To death: I'm dying,

to love: I'm trying,

to God: I'm lying again.

And to my ma: I've failed you, 

to my pa: well I've blamed you, 

and to God: I have shamed you again."

I love the raw human emotions. I think many of us have felt at least one of these emotions.

What music genre do you like that would surprise people?

Music Monday #7: Just Two Kids

It's time I start getting serious about this whole music Monday thing. 6 posts in and there has only been one ska song?! Which was a cover of a Disney song? Who am I? 

If you ask me what my favorite type of music is, I will undoubtedly answer Ska. 

Big D and the Kids Table is one of my all-time favorite bands, and a fantastic ska band. I think the first time I heard of them was in high school. For some reason my photography class was split up and put into another class that was loud and rowdy (I mean, it's high school). We were supposed to be watching a movie or something, but for lack of seating I was sitting under the table with this kid who told me to listen to some ska music on his ipod. I am not 100% certain, but I think some of those songs were Big D at the time. But it wouldn't be until a couple years later that I really grew to know the band.

Oh, and just to mention, THE WORLD'S BEST BOYFRIEND award goes to this guy ^ who scored me a t-shirt signed by every. single. member of the band. In a ska band that is nothing short of a miracle. Thanks stud. 

Enough waxing poetic. My favorite album from the group is hands down: Strictly Rude.



But one of my favorite songs, "Describing the Sky,"  is from their album Fluent in Stroll.

Yesterday I realized Ross and I are officially IN THE TEENS.

This takes the Double Digits Club to a whole other level! So in part I pick this song in anticipation of soon turning a new page and starting a new chapter in my (our) life. 

The song opens with, 

Two kids excited when they hit the pavement

It reminds me of starting something new. Say, moving to Grenada. The world is a big scary place. How do we ever manage to get by? 

We'll have to step back, be steady, and check out the new sceneryDeduct what we are seeing and trust each others opinion

Yep! What beautiful scenery we have here in Grenada. Take it in, figure it out, forge our own path. And learn trust each other because if there is something to be learned on this med school journey, it's trusting this is the right path. 

Gotta push back the people who try and sour realityThere's so many bitter, we'll have to be believers

This for me could only describe about half a million people and things on this island. Getting underpaid, having SGU pwn you at every turn, having friends turn on you, rude emoyees who smash you with doors; the point is life can bring you down but you just have to be believers. 

So 

Stand tall We both look them in the eyeWe're trying not to laugh just yetI think we'll both do fine

How lucky I am to have a permanent best friend. And although he's rarely around, there are perfect moments in this imperfect life that  feel just like this:

Now we're laying after a perfect dayas we fade away, what a world we'll make

Moments where in the ugliness and complexity of this world, I remember this about my bestie

Well I'm forever your fighting partner 

Yah, I can hold you above them for days 

You see, my arms are strong and I'm focused 

We're in store for better days

Better days, worse days, different days. Just the promise of a change of scenery. Some days America feels like this: 

Oh no, I don't need to seeJust tell me what it looks like above the cloudsDescribe the sky to me, just describe the sky to 

I'm kind of a sucker for songs with, what's the word? Progression? Like when the chorus changes from conjecture to present to past tense etc. 

We both stand tallWe always look them in the eyeWe're always laughing out too loudUs two are doing quite fineTwo kids shaping their livesYes we will surviveYes we will survive

It's a great end to this fun, happy song. It reminds me that things will be okay, and they ARE okay. Don't mind me. This is my corner of the universe. So I'll stand tall. I'll laugh too loud. I'll just continue shaping my life. Continue on this sometimes insane journey, just insanely lucky that I have Ross as my best friend and husband. 

Music Monday: #6 New Soul

As I get older and get closer to supposedly figuring this all out, I couldn't be farther from understanding anything.  But I'm learning a lot about these creatures called humans during my sojourn here on Earth.

Thanks to the magical powers of Pandora I stumbled across this beautiful song awhile back. It's been love ever since.

-New Soul-

Yael Naim

Not only is it incredibly beautiful, it is also upbeat. It's easy to belt out or hum. A nice little song.

And of course the lyrics aren't bad either. No matter how near or far I travel from the Shire, people always surprise me. Today, I am surprised (though I shouldn't be) about the incredible people I call my friends. Their endless and boundless love that is always there for me. 

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

Sometimes I feel like, in the song, I find myself making every possible mistake. I forget important events, I don't call as much as I should, I'm clumsy with my comforting words, I get irritable, I say things I don't mean, I'm slow to apologize.

But I'm learning from every single one of those mistakes. And as I take, I hope I also give.

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? Try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

As Yael tells us in the song, trust and love is not always easy to make (or, might I add, maintain). But I am so grateful for those people who, despite distance and friendship tremors, and my very human mistakes, still love and trust me. This world is filled with ugly hate, ugly disdain. Sometimes because of silly things, sometimes because of important things. But communicate! And you can find so much beauty in this world through trustworthy and loyal people. 

This is a happy endCome and give me your handI'll take you far away

Sometimes life can really stink. But I believe, no matter how deeply it gets buried in my heart, that we were made for happy endings. Despite our mistakes and shortcomings, despite the ugliness and fear of the world, we have so much beauty around us, and so many friends that care.

Music Monday #5: From Here to...?

Ross and I have a ton of music similarities. It makes life really nice.

BUT

You know, there are some differences. I love Jack Johnson. His music just chills me out and makes me so relaxed and happy. In college I would listen to him to help me de-stress and sleep. I periodically ask Ross if he likes Jack Johnson in hopes he has changed his mind. Ross, one of the most chill people I know doesn't like Jack Johnson? I'm still trying to work through that one.

His latest album, "From Here to Now to You," is really great. It may be my favorite so far. The one I chose to talk about today is called "Home."



I think it is really cool that it is the last song on the album. I wrote a post recently about how I will soon be leaving my home. Or, where I currently live. I've spent the last two years thinking about what home is.

I've learned the hard way what home isn't:

It isn't always California.
It sadly isn't (anymore) with mom and dad.
It isn't where I have all my clothes, or all my kitchen appliances.
It isn't where I have the comfiest bed.

But I have found that home is:

Anywhere! Anywhere I chose, or, am forced to go.

This is a really beautiful song. I found myself humming this song while looking through pictures I took on vacation this past week. The imagery from the song is great. Here are some of my favorite lyrics from one of the verses.

"In the back of my house there's a trail a trail that won't end. We went walking so far that it grew back in. Now there's no trail at all, only grass growing tall. Get out my machete and battle with time once again.

But I'm bound to lose 'cause I'll be damned if time don't win." 

This is pretty perfect in a song about home. I like to think about the last sentence in a metaphorical sense. Home, family, loved ones, need to be tended to now because time is our enemy and it will always win.
I too often wish my time away. Wish that this phase or that of my life would just be over, so I can move on to better things. But I forget that I don't have to worry because time always wins.

The chorus is great too. Here are a couple bits from it.

"So I try to understand what I can't hold in my hand

And whatever I find, I'll find my way back to you."

So many of the most important things in life aren't tangible. We can't hold them in our hands, and somehow that makes them infinitely more difficult to understand and comprehend. Like love, or the aforementioned home.

"Home is wherever we are if there's love here too." 

In conclusion, have I answered where or what home (oh intangible home!) is? Jack tells us in the chorus that home is all about love (you intangible love!). Which works out kind of perfect because California, Mom and Dad, kitchen appliances, and comfy beds don't always fit in two 50 lb bags and a carry on. But love and home have traveled half way across the world with me pretty well.

For now I will be satisfied with that, "I'll keep food in my belly and hope that my time isn't soon."