Senior Citizens' Guide to Punk Concerts

You're getting old. And that's okay. But someone needs to tell you things aren't working like they used to.

That's me. You're welcome. 

Although you are aging, that doesn't mean that you can no longer have fun. Let's say, you find a magical punk rock line-up in a venue about 20 minutes from your location. You should definitely go. But not without some advice. Remember, you're not the young gun you were at Warped Tour '97. 

Blue skies, dirt, and marijuana-heavy air, it's festival time!

BEFORE YOU GO: 

• What to wear. You may not fit your Reel Big Fish t shirt from high school but go ahead and squeeze into your record store shirt from college, if you'd like. Don't worry about what you wear. You're a punk. You do what you want. A little extra eyeliner won't hurt though. 

I realize I look about 16 in this selfie, but you should still listen to my advice

• Take your meds. Your heart meds, your thyroid tablets, your allergy pills. Take an extra one of those cos you know there will be black boogers for days if you're anywhere near that circle pit. You're likely to get sore muscles from standing and rocking out. And a headache from the loud music. Extended release pain killers are your friend. 

AT THE VENUE: 

• Yeah you're a punk. But even punks gotta follow rules to get in to the venue. Read the FAQ and understand what you can take in. But know that you are never too old for slight of hand. If the caps need to be off your water bottles in order to be brought in, do it. But hide those caps because you can't afford to buy new bottles inside. You never actually grew up and got a real job so you gotta make the money from your desk job last. 

It's not punk without pot! Feel free to take the kiddos to the kiddie section with carnie games and over-sized inflatables. 

Or just throw them on your shoulders and rock out!

• Sunscreen. You've probably already had a skin cancer scare by now so you know how important it is to take care. Sunscreen every hour, or two sets, depending on the sun strength. Don't forget your bald/ balding spot. Though you'll fare best with a hat. 

• The nice thing about being old and fat is that you no long have to worry about the young guns taking you medium or small merch. Relax! Your XXXL shirts will still be there after the show. But be warned that kids these days are really getting in to vinyl so if you need records look out for those first. 

GREEN MEANS GO: 

You're all sunscreen'd up, your chucks are remembering these bless'd days. You made it through security and you are here. Now: 

• Know your limits. I'm sure you used to be a hardcore mosher. But you might want to consult with your physician before participating. But also rest assured there will always be someone younger, also probably someone fatter and drunker than you in the pit. You could probably split the difference and be just fine. Start with a light ska song like Fishbone. If you fall, there will always be a hand to pick you up, and a lot less 'bows than an Anti-Flag circle pit. Work your way up. 

Sweaty skaning tattos and hazy dirty circle pit air

• Take breaks. Don't push it. No one here judges you.

Sunscreen in your eyes, filthy sweat. Are we having fun yet?!

• So sit down and work your way into that shade the port-a-potties provide. You need it. Grab some TP from the the Less Than Jake show as it shoots out of a jimmy-rigged leaf blower. You never know when you might need some. 

• Take pictures. With your recent changes in, um... memory recollection, it will help you remember all the fantastic bands you saw. 

Bouncing Souls, Goldfinger, Fishbone, Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake!

• But after a few, put that camera away and just ROCK OUT! -You've still got it! (sorta)

AFTERCARE.

There was a time you could drag your semi dead half-wasted body home and be cool by 9am the next day. That day is no more. Throw on that ultra sick, newly pressed and re-released, $10-bin-find, favorite album (maybe ever), vinyl and just be cool. You made it. And it was way worth it. 

Glass Blowing: A How to Guide

It has been a long time since I wrote one of my super useful tutorials. So here I go again.

How to Blow Glass
1.) Convince your sister that this is a worthy cause and totally worth her time
2.) Buy Groupon
3.) Use Groupon

I know, I know, it's really almost the most simple thing in the world. Especially if you have a totally amazing sister like I do. Then there is not so much the need for convincing as there is for scheduling.

Way way back in a time before Kristen was in America for real, a lonely and excited for summer adventures girl saw an incredible deal on Groupon. The opportunity to form and mold an amazing glass flower out of just a lil blob of glass.



It was sadly too quick, but fun and challenging (if you have tiny little t-rex arms like me so you need the guy's help to actually do it).



We got to choose our colors for the petals and the stem. Then the masters gave us a little demo, then helped us with our own.



It was soo cool!

The worst part is that we had to leave them there so they could fire and set them. We got to wander around the studio for a little bit and the sculptures and works of art they produce are breathtaking.



They have done work for Mormon temples, business, and even homes! I have a new measure of wealth. True wealth is being able to have a huge three paneled stained glass masterpiece in your bedroom. Wow.

Here is Rissa's finished flower. I love the way it turned out.

Mine didn't turn out exactly how I pictured it. The stem was a little more poopy-green than I expected. But I picked the colors to match my bedspread/ shower curtain so I guess it will go perfect in the bathroom.



Also, Marissa and I are fairly sure that we need to go to school to learn how to do all of those things. I mean, how amazing would it be to be able to create those things just out of your hand and your brains (with extensive schooling, practice, and expensive materials).

Kentucky Day 3: The Haunted Mansion (KY Style)

Today Kyle and I headed out to the other big city in Kentucky and home of rival of University of Louisville. Even before I landed in Kentucky I was a little nervous about the pronunciation of the city. Kyle is such an amazing brother. I don't know how he is so patient and calm but it works out perfectly complimentary to my personality (see text convo below).

I saw this shirt in a gift shop, which I think sums it up perfectly.

Kyle advised me to just pronounce it like I had a mouthful of marbles. Nailed it.

We drove through Louisville and straight through to Indiana. So here are some pictures in Indiana, looking across to Kentucky, on the the banks of the Ohio River. Needless to say this California is so confused.

In California you can drive 3 hours in any direction and still be in the same state. Honestly, I didn't even know other states existed. 

I'm taking a million selfies over here, Kyle just thinks it's so passe. 

Next we looked up some supposedly fun things to do, an armed with google maps embarked. Kyle and I had a pretty good ol' timey laugh at the situation. Nowadays you can just use the internet to find something fun to do, then your smart phone will tell you how to get there.

Back in our day google maps was ask mom and dad for the road atlas. They'd probably give you a cool laminated map of Los Angeles and use an expo marker to map out your route for your beach day with your buddies. Then when you ended up in some sketchy neighborhood of LA you could use the loaned cell phone to them call for directions home. Kids these days have it soo good!

The lushness of Kentucky is still not getting old.

We set out to Whitehall Historic Home to check things out and see if it was worth the $ for the tour, which prompts:

Kristen and Kyle's

Unofficial Guide

to Not Spending a Dime in Louisville, KY!

-Whitehall Historic Home-

#1. Take advantage of the beautiful gardens and small neature walk on the grounds. 

#2. Then, when you notice no docent is waiting on the front steps to take your money....



#3. Feel free to creep around the perimeter of the building, peering into the windows, taking pictures if you wish.

Three easy steps and you can experience the Whitehall Home for free! It helps to have a background as a California so you have the natural ability/ creativity to relate all things to museums or Disneyland. I peered into the house and commented on the furniture and general decor:

"All this stuff I already saw in the Getty [J. Paul Getty Museum]!"

To which Kyle pointed to the below statue and said:

"And that stuff I already saw at the Haunted Mansion [Haunted Mansion, Disneyland attraction]."

Haha. Needless to say, we are pros who do NOT need to spend $5 a pop for a tour of some old house. 

DIY: Ombre Hair Color

Ombre is all the rage. It's a bit old now, but still trendy. And D.I.Y. is all the rage too. So today I bring you:

#nofilter

Sometimes in lame Get to Know You or Speed Dating games, you ask someone

"What do you consider is your best feature?"

It's a bit of a silly question, but it gives us all a break from the "omg-i-am-so-ugy" shtick. Wanna know my answer? Thought so.

My hair.

I hate that I don't have much, and I hate my ever-receding hairline, but one of my favorite things about me is my hair. I get asked if I dye it. I don't. Once a hair dresser very sternly looked me in my eyes and said "NEVER color your hair. Women pay a lot of money to get it to look like yours."

And although that was a little bit intense and scary, I took the compliment. The sun was made for my hair, or, my hair was made for the sun. My hair's years in the cold dark days in Utah were the saddest days of it's life.

But when my hair gets in the sunshine, it lightens and highlights, and beams. And I really love that it does that. I know before long it will darken and lose it's natural highlight but for now I will enjoy it.

My first year in Grenada I spent a lot of time outside. Walking, exploring, bumming it.
My second year in Grenada I spent more time inside. Working, sleeping, being grumpy. As a consequence my hair has grown in much darker, resulting in a (when intentionally looking) clearly visible line of "roots."

Instead of being bummed about this, I realized I had accidentally D.I.M'd (Did It Myself) Ombre hair! So I parted it down the middle.



As you can tell from that laugh-smile on my face, I thought this was pretty funny. I am so trendy. Maybe I should permanently part my hair in the center so people can see how trendy I am.

SPOILER ALERT: Yeah, this isn't actually a tutorial.

How to: Accidentally Shop at the "Ghetto" Supermarket

One thing I have learned in my very limited "world traveling" (haha!) is that it is all about perspective! I mean that in many different ways, but in this post I am specifically talking about the way we are raised and our expectations when going to a new place. It changes our perspective.

Let me start with an example from home:
Lots of people I know back home refused to shop at the Latin supermarket Vallarta, because it was "ghetto."
(And besides that being so totally ridiculous because they have amazing pistachio ice cream, mangoes and cream popsicles, the cheapest and freshest produce around, an amazing restaurant, and the most delicious pan dulce and best treats, and incredible refried beans and the shortest check out lines and easiest parking lot....)

But I don't really believe in the word ghetto. I believe in, "out of my comfort zone, because it is new/unknown."

So, let's try that sentence again:

Lots of people I know back home refused to shop at the Latin supermarket Vallarta, because it was "out of my comfort zone, because it is new/unknown."

Yeah. That makes more sense. Whether you shop there or not, whatever (but you are missing out).

My point is, it is kinda like that here. You have the IGA Real Value supermarket. Which is right on the school bus route and all the students shop there. You have American things and I have found that in general things are a bit pricey.

But then you have..... Food Fair. Which many students and SOs claim is in a bad area and dirty and blah blah blah. So without further ado I present my first tutorial:

A visual to aide you in your quest!

How to Accidentally Shop at the "Ghetto" Supermarket (aka Food Fair):

1.)Go to campus and wait at the bus stop
2.)Get on a bus that has a paper in the back window that says "Gand Anse/ True Blue" with the intention of going to IGA.
3.)Ride the bus and ask some people near you where exactly the bus is headed, to which they reply, "I hope Grand Anse."
4.)Watch as the bus turns up the street to Mont Toute. 
5.) Panic for a sec, then remember that you got this!
6.) Get off when the bus stops in the Food Fair parking lot.
--> Shop at Food Fair and realize they have great prices! And a clean store despite the shady storage and quality of meat/fish!

Also, you get negative points if you tell a poor girl to get on the bus because it is headed to IGA, but if you tell her sorry you were just as confused and help her shop and make sure she gets on the bus back you can have bonus points.