Quote Wednesday? At a Time Like This?!

My life is just a little bit bizarre right now.

But that isn't out of the norm. The main reason I started and kept this blog so well (if I do say so myself) for so long was that I wanted to document things. I wanted my (almost) full range of emotions to be stored in a public space forever. Okay, so maybe not those last couple of things but yeah to the rest. It's nice to look back and not actually have to re-live so many of those moments again. It's like eating a Costco teriyaki bowl but someone took out those disgusting green beans (gag).

I'm currently staying with some friends who have only known me post-Grenada and post-California days. It's been fun to hang out and talk more. Grenada typically comes up and because it is such a strange and foreign thing- I jumped on the blog to show some pictures. Of course that led me to the rabbit hole of Grenada posts. Many many Grenada posts about so many things. I'm so happy I took all that time to document those strange tales and feelings. It reminds me that life is simultaneously lemons AND lemonade. It's not bad then good. Ugly then pretty. It's just life.

Ross and I have been racing around almost non-stop since March. Every weekend (and some weeks) we have been flying and driving all over. Life is locomotion. And I can't stop thinking that. Maybe because of this quote:

"Life is locomotion. If you're not moving you're not living. But there comes a time when you've got to stop running away from things and you've got to start running towards something. You've got to forge ahead. Keep moving. Even if your path isn't lit. Trust that you'll find your way." 

It's late and I'm not particularly interested in addressing the bits that call me out for running away from my problems #tooreal, but I love the quote. And that seems to be my style. I've gotten pretty good a forging ahead. Forging isn't a nice cute clear cut path. It's messy. It's chaotic. It's often rushed. But it implies importance and intention. And I like that. In life, sometimes it is all you can do to keep moving. Even when it is the hardest thing to do. Even when the path isn't lit. Because we just have to trust that we will find our way. Sometimes we find the way, sometimes we just keep forging. Maybe life isn't locomotion. Maybe we don't have any destinations.... but rather constant motion in a positive direction.

Music Monday #11: Somewhere in the Between

With the amount of chaos that my life is currently engulfed in, I feel like I am taking it pretty well. I thought moving to Grenada warranted a freak-out but now that looks like cake.

With all the stress in my life right now I try to take things one day at a time, and at least have confidence that I have a blanket to sleep on the street with, legs to walk at least a few miles a day if necessary, and my best friend who I only occasionally want to strangle (...jokes!).

But every once in a while I just break down. I'm pretty calm and confident on the outside but sometimes it just all builds up and comes crashing down in a magnificently ugly sob-cry phone call home. This whole road is sloppily paved (Grenada-"paved") with new rock-bottoms and new heartbreaks. Just when you think it can't get worse, can't get tighter, BOOM -surprise!- it does.

Let me introduce you to the head smashing tunes of Streetlight Manifesto. They aren't for everyone. Even the lyrics themselves can be a bit ... melancholy. When I listen to them around my parents they affectionately refer to them as ska/ punk-rock on drugs. Which, means a lot coming from their generation. So listen at your own discretion.

Today I refer us to the song that is the namesake for this particular album, "Somewhere in the Between."

It's always been one of my favorites and today, in a first in Music Monday history, I had the chance to discuss it with Ross. My life is a lot of Somewheres in the Betweens, I don't know where I will be tomorrow, I don't know where I will be living next week.

The whole song is a reflection on life or the "somewhere in the between" (between birth and death).

The song starts:

"You were gone when we found you. You were practically surrounded, you were trapped. But the opposition stalled, their blood ran cold. When they saw the look of love in your eyes."

Ross and I had different ideas when we read this part. I had always thought "gone" was metaphorical. I sort of took it to mean emotionally "gone." Perhaps distant or depressed, especially in reference to the next feeling of being surrounded and trapped. Ross took it to mean physically gone, being dead. I think that makes sense. I like it. Either way, the main point of this verse is the last line. The love in this individual's eyes is so powerful that even the opposition is stalled. Throughout his whole life, good and bad, it's summarize by an expression of love.

The next verse reflects on the journey of life. I love the optimism. It's real optimism that isn't overpowering or corny. To me it feels authentic, like someone is coming to the conclusion right now as they are thinking about it. Scratching their chin and shrugging a little.

"Maybe the times we had, they weren't that bad. And everything else was part of the plan."

I'm not going to go through every lyric of the song. I thought discussing this with Ross would clear things up, but it only opened up more room for interpretation, so I will do the same for you.
When this chorus is repeated the words change a little bit.

"Maybe the times we had, they weren't that bad. And everything else was part of our path."

Whether it is plan/ or path I like the way he expresses his feelings about the negative parts of life. Let's admit it, life kinda sucks sometimes. But, with the perspective that the afterlife could give us, will we just look back, shrug and say "Yep, we needed those parts too"?

"So you were born and that was a good day. Someday you'll die and that is a shame. But somewhere in the between was a life of which we all dream. And nothing and no one will ever take that away"

The last line gives a feeling of ownership. Your life is yours and yours alone. No one can live it for you, claim it for you, take it away from you. I haven't been thinking that my life is something of which I've dreamed about, but I hope someday soon I can have a little more perspective.

The whole song is a celebration of life. Life is not a phase or a step. It's important and you need to make the most of it. There will be bad times. Like when you are out of money and expected to move to a new city. But there are also good times. Like eating pizza with your best friends while talking about Adventure Time.

Life isn't a waiting room where we lazily leaf through out-dated magazines and wait to be called to our afterlife appointment.

"And someday soon my friends. This ride will come to an end. But we can't just get in line again."

This is it folks! Our one and only ride. No fast passes but also no re-dos. Make it count. 

P.s. Check out the symbolism in this sweet album cover art!

Week Wrap Up #4: Just Hangin Around

Here I am back blogging like I do. I've been back in Utah for a week and I already have the itch to get going. Today I head out to Vernal with my friend Kelli.

Looking back on this week I can't recall anything too fantastic. Pretty normal, stranded with no car and no money.

#1 Since being back in the States I love just walking around in stores. Any stores, even grocery stores. I just wander down the aisles in amazement. I saw my brother post a picture to Instagram about some magic called ...... Dr. Pepper. I'm not a big soda drinker, but I do love my Dr. Pepper. I decided I needed to find this magic right away. And find I did. Thank you very much Maceys. I have to admit, it's pretty good.

#2 I found these beauts on a {separate} trip to the store and I want to let it be known that it is perfectly acceptable to buy these for my birthday this year.

#3 My brother's birthday is this week and I decided to make him a superhero ice cream cake with a city skyline. I bought some fancy cake decorating tools and made a batch of the Pinterest famed marshmallow fondant. It turned out fantastic. Tastes way better than normal fondant and was easy to do. I learned an important lesson today. Or rather, something to add to my mother's list of "Sometimes the Extra Money is Worth It" list: Expensive food coloring/ gel. I thought for sure my hands would be stained after squishing, molding, folding, and kneading the black dyed fondant, but to my absolute glee, it washed right off. Miracle of miracles!

#4 Thursday evening I saw the most beautiful moon. I think I saw an article about it that gave this particular moon a special name. Of course the picture does not do it justice. It was so large and I could see the texture on the surface of the golden glowing moon.

#5 This week brought a couple gloomy and rainy days, which made me a little melancholy. But I was able to catch up on some crocheting and Community so it wasn't too bad.

#6 After watching the X-Men: Days of Future Past on Monday I asked Teo if I could borrow his X-Men movie collection. Friday I finally got around to a mini movie marathon. Yes, it was as perfect as it appears.

#7 I had a bad day this week. Just the feeling of a caged bird and I'm getting sick of life being Grenada Pt. II. But at least I was able to acknowledge my bad mood and move on.

#8 Friday night I finally got to hang out with my awesome nieces. I've been out of town when they were here before. It blows my mind how much older they are, turns out the world kept turning while I was in Grenada. :/ 

I had a ton of fun hanging out with her, talking, singing to Katy Perry, doing nails, and playing at the park with the family.

#9 My beautiful, kind little niece has taken to decorating this tortured doll with nail polish, duct tape, and sharpies.

Seeing my creeped out response only motivated her to "decorate" it more. She'll sit in her room perfecting the doll's latest look, then come out, wave it in my face and say in the creepiest little kid voice ever, "My name's Chuckie, wanna play?" I think I need to talk to this girl's parents...

Late Saturday night Ross and I returned to see this creeeepy doll glowing in the dim light. Pretty much the scariest thing of my life. What a way to end your week. Thanks kiddo.

Step Studying Stinks but ... CUPCKAES!

Ross spends close to 12-hour days studying. He wakes up, does some exercise maybe, then starts studying at about 7:30am. He takes an hour for lunch and sometimes an hour for dinner and finishes up around 7:30pm. His days depend on what he is doing, sometimes they are shorter, sometimes longer. Typically I've been seeing him less than when he was going to class and studying.

I remember just a few short months ago how everyone was so excited that when 5th term was over, and we left Grenada, "You'll finally have your husband back."

Ha!



It's time to celebrate! You finished Term 5!



I love being back in America, and being close to family and friends, but to a certain degree I still feel trapped. Thankfully, just not as alone.

One great thing about summers in Utah is that the sun doesn't set til after 9:00 pm. Sometimes after Ross is done studying I pull him out into the world of the living.



Tonight we set out to find a comic shop here in Pleasant Grove. Ross knew a super secret way. Climbing through shrubs taller than my head, and walking over 2x4 decrepit planks, we made our way.

When we reached the itty bitty Pleasant Grove Main Street, we discovered that not only is it itty-bitty but it's majorly run down. Okay, not majorly, we aren't talking about Central Palmdale here. But you could tell it had seen better days and is now more or less a ghost town.



Rexall "Drugs" ... what kind?



The bad news is, the comic shop is no longer there. The semi-consoling/ good news is I was able to get a Dr. Pepper with fun flavors at the nearby gas station.

Next to the ex-location of the comic shop was a cupcake place. Ross and I decided we might as well check it out because, hey... cupcakes right?

Alisha's Cupcakes boasts winning Cupcake Wars, which honestly, I take with a grain of salt because who hasn't won these days right? Well, I can take that grain of salt to the bank because this cupcake is amazing!

And since I insta'd my cuppy I got a free cake bite too. That was the heartiest cake bit I have ever eaten. Wow.



As you can see, it took some digging in to. Ross headed back taking a moment to check out some cute little duckies in the pond.

If there is one thing I have learned in the past few years, it's that I'll take what happy little moments I can. Tomorrow morning is back to Step studying but for a few happy hours I almost forgot about it all.