Monday, April 21, 2014

CA Love

Let's take a minute to talk about how California is the best state in the world.

I know, I know, you haters with your "the government is so big," "the taxes are exuberant," "the whole state is bankrupt," complaints, take your hunting rifle and go kill and animal, or book your tickets for the next Republican Convention, or just idk, don't read this post.

Cos California isn't for haters mmkay?

I know as well as the closest anti-Obama fanatic that California isn't perfect.

But oohhh it's so close.

Give me a minute or two, to just bask in my love for my home-state. The farther I get from California, and the more I scratch my head at other states, the more I realized California is in my blood.



I spend some days in Grenada aching for a pupusa, the traffic of the 405, the freezing cold Pacific ocean water (mmmkay maybe not that), street performers, or just to hear another other language than English.

*sigh*

A while back I posted this list.

20 Things Nobody Tells You About Moving Out of Southern California

After reading it, I realized I was an ex-pat long before I left the country to live in Grenada. Indeed, when I moved away to college I left behind certain things that, in my mind (just trying to be fair) are essentially California.

Let me walk with you through this particular article's list:

No. 20 You have an accent. No, really.

It's true, so true. I don't say "brah" though, I think that is a little more coastal. But I find myself with a mix of slang and ghetto speak that no one around me quite understands.

No. 19 The Mexican food is terrible
Ugh. SO terrible. So very very terrible. I remmeber when I tried "Mr. Chipotle" here, I didn't think "Mexican" food could get worse. The most shocking part was that people said it was good. I secretly pray they have never been to California.

No. 18 You will become a traffic snob
Not a problem here in Grenada. But people love to complain about how "horrendous" traffic can be at "rush hour." So freakin' cute!

No. 16 Everyone wants to know if you've been to Compton
Many funny stories about this one. 
The article reads, "To the rest of the country, Compton is like Somalia. Even the word "Compton" is used as a synonym for Murdertown USA."
No. 15 No matter where you're from, it's Beverly Hills & No. 7 You need to know at least one famous person
Palmdale is a far cry from Beverly Hills, but I will let you know I've high fived Magic Johnson and gotten churros next to Shane West. Just throwing that out there.

No. 14 You will never have good produce again
Holy Heaven, the produce. The cheap glorious produce. Cilantro (not on sale) for 25 cents people. Pounds of tomatillos for a dollar. I can barely find a tomatillo anyways. I came to Grenada and people were raving about how cheap bananas are. Seriously? The going rate for bananas here is more expensive than the pricey stores in CA. 
The article reads, "California has absolutely the best produce in the nation and that's fact. You have grown up with strawberries the size of your fist that taste like sugar. You know what a jicama is and why it rules." 
Just looking at the bell peppers in IGA is cause for me to breakdown and start crying in the middle of the store. 

No. 13 Nobody puts "the" before highway names
If you have never seen it, please just watch this SNL sketch. It's a bit irritating, but I get that. 
How do I get to the beach? I take the 14, to the 5, to the 405, to the 101, then of course just go along the 1. I never noticed this habit, but my sister-in-law from Idaho mentioned it once and now I always laugh about it. 

No. 11 You will crave In-N-Out like it was crack
There is a local cafe that opened up here, they have a picture next to their menu. I'm sure they figured it was just a simple stock photo of a delicious looking burger, shake and fries. 

NO IT ISN'T! Please take a look that the photo near their menu.


The photo is blurry because I was too busy sobbing that they would do such a thing to me. No, you liars! You DO NOT sell anything here that deserves those glorious palm tree printed paper goods!

No. 9 Humidity is a thing -- and it sucks
I never knew what humidity was until I went to Central America. Now I am saturated in it every day here in tropical Grenada. My friends from the East coast or the South think I am hilarious. Like a walking joke. I. Die. I try to explain to them that I would take a 110+ degree day in the high dry dusty desert than almost any day in Grenada and they don't get it. This is how I explain it. 
Dry heat: Higher temps, zero humidity = putting your face in the oven to check your baked goods. A wall of dry, hot heat. Humidity heat: Lower temp, higher humidity = being wrapped in a wet blanket and cooked in a microwave. A slow, sticky, never escaping hot feeling.

No. 6 You will actually miss earthquakes
Every once in a while Grenada will get a little shake. None of them have been large, but the Facebook aftershocks are unbeatable. I mean, people already share every time they sneeze on social media, imagine when they EXPERIENCE AN EARTHQUAKE FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!http://who-will-save-the-trees.tumblr.com/
Amateurs. I remember routine earthquake drills, where the principal would get on the intercom and shake a can of marbles and tell us to get under our desks. I remember wanting so badly to go in the Shakey Quakey Schoolhouse (earthquake simulator) when it was at our school.  I remember crouching in the hallway with my family as we sleepily rose from our beds to the designated "earthquake safe spot" in the home. Routine stuff folks. 



No. 5 Normal stuff is famous

The article mentions a few awe-insipring bucket list items. The Hollywood sign, Grauman's Chinese, Walk of Fame, Venice, it goes on. In order to cope with obnoxious tourists, my siblings and I have created lots of intricate games. Lots of fun games to make fun of the buses and buses of tourists.

No. 3 Nobody else cares about area codes
When I moved to Utah and found out there were two, TWO, 2 area codes for the whole state. My mind was totally blown. In California, you have to judge everyone, especially based on their area code. When I hear someone is from California I immediately need to know where they are from so I can throw all my stereotypes on them and know everything about their lives. 

No. 3 Nobody else cares about area codes

No. 1 You will miss it every day

Some days more than others, but yes. Definitely true.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CALIFORNIA WHEN...

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