When I watch movies I don't always laugh out loud. When I listen to their morning radio program, "Radio from Hell," it is impossible for me to not laugh out loud.
The have a bunch of different fantastic re-occuring segments, but my favorite is on Wednesday mornings. It's called "Things that Must Go." Some weeks the hosts read their lists, other weeks they read ones from listeners. Either way, it's perfect timing because those fateful Wednesday mornings can prove to be dreaded for so many reasons. It makes it the perfect day to air some grievances.
I usually try to stay pretty optimistic and outta people's business, but for comedic and health purposes, here is:
Kristen's List of Things that Must Go
1.) Unreliable people.
I don't think anyone generally likes unreliable people. But my beef is, just don't make the promise in the first place. It's cool, I'm afraid of commitment too. So just don't commit.
2.) Ambiguous baby announcements. What happened to the good ol' days when you could call people up and tel them you were pregnant? Or for the people that you don't actually care to tell- what happened to the good ol' days when there was the church rumor mill? I miss it. Because now, you have to tell everyone on Facebook. But even those good ol' days are over. Now, you have to make it cute. and great. but not just great... MORE GREAT than everyone else.
Pretty much anything is a baby announcement. As long as it involves one very small object and two larger objects. But also, please feel free to incorporate your pets.
3.) People who are obsessed with being skinny while pregnant. I'm not so sure about these pregnant ladies. They seem to be on my bad list. But this one I struggle with the most.
YOU ARE GROWING A HUMAN LIFE INSIDE OF YOU WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE SKINNY AND MALNOURISHED.
Maybe because these women look skinner with a baby in them than I look now. Maybe I'm just jealous.
5.) Obviously I have issues with pregnant ladies. But I guess I have issues with (psycho) moms too. I used to love Pinterest and all the great ideas on there. Now, I get bored by looking at the inherent doom of motherhood looming before me. Pretty soon I will have to plan all these insane parties for my children's friends. Of course, I am not planning the party for the kids, but the parents. Because WHO ELSE CARES that Oreos resemble tractor wheels, and are therefore the perfect snack for your son's farm themed party?
Also, I need to start saving now and using my weekly Michael's 40% off coupons to buy the most adorable vases and jars to hold all this crap in.
What I am saying is, cute little title themed foods need to go. MOMS: cotton candy being unicorn fur actually kind of creeps me out and no one under the age of 20 knows who Pete is or appreciates the value of a good alliteration (given that they can actually read). Don't get me started on these "Pirate bananas"
Why can't you just eat bananas at a party? Why do they have to don a bandana and an eye patch.
4.) People who have an emergency. I'm not talking about the Emergency Room. I'm talking about my job... which is not in an Emergency Room, nor Urgent Care. So why I get yelled at because "WHY DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY," is beyond me. I know this sounds insensitive given the amount you probably know about what I do for work, but I'm already done talking about this.
That's enough kranky kristen for one day! What is on your list of things that must go this week?
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