Senior Citizens' Guide to Punk Concerts

You're getting old. And that's okay. But someone needs to tell you things aren't working like they used to.

That's me. You're welcome. 

Although you are aging, that doesn't mean that you can no longer have fun. Let's say, you find a magical punk rock line-up in a venue about 20 minutes from your location. You should definitely go. But not without some advice. Remember, you're not the young gun you were at Warped Tour '97. 

Blue skies, dirt, and marijuana-heavy air, it's festival time!

BEFORE YOU GO: 

• What to wear. You may not fit your Reel Big Fish t shirt from high school but go ahead and squeeze into your record store shirt from college, if you'd like. Don't worry about what you wear. You're a punk. You do what you want. A little extra eyeliner won't hurt though. 

I realize I look about 16 in this selfie, but you should still listen to my advice

• Take your meds. Your heart meds, your thyroid tablets, your allergy pills. Take an extra one of those cos you know there will be black boogers for days if you're anywhere near that circle pit. You're likely to get sore muscles from standing and rocking out. And a headache from the loud music. Extended release pain killers are your friend. 

AT THE VENUE: 

• Yeah you're a punk. But even punks gotta follow rules to get in to the venue. Read the FAQ and understand what you can take in. But know that you are never too old for slight of hand. If the caps need to be off your water bottles in order to be brought in, do it. But hide those caps because you can't afford to buy new bottles inside. You never actually grew up and got a real job so you gotta make the money from your desk job last. 

It's not punk without pot! Feel free to take the kiddos to the kiddie section with carnie games and over-sized inflatables. 

Or just throw them on your shoulders and rock out!

• Sunscreen. You've probably already had a skin cancer scare by now so you know how important it is to take care. Sunscreen every hour, or two sets, depending on the sun strength. Don't forget your bald/ balding spot. Though you'll fare best with a hat. 

• The nice thing about being old and fat is that you no long have to worry about the young guns taking you medium or small merch. Relax! Your XXXL shirts will still be there after the show. But be warned that kids these days are really getting in to vinyl so if you need records look out for those first. 

GREEN MEANS GO: 

You're all sunscreen'd up, your chucks are remembering these bless'd days. You made it through security and you are here. Now: 

• Know your limits. I'm sure you used to be a hardcore mosher. But you might want to consult with your physician before participating. But also rest assured there will always be someone younger, also probably someone fatter and drunker than you in the pit. You could probably split the difference and be just fine. Start with a light ska song like Fishbone. If you fall, there will always be a hand to pick you up, and a lot less 'bows than an Anti-Flag circle pit. Work your way up. 

Sweaty skaning tattos and hazy dirty circle pit air

• Take breaks. Don't push it. No one here judges you.

Sunscreen in your eyes, filthy sweat. Are we having fun yet?!

• So sit down and work your way into that shade the port-a-potties provide. You need it. Grab some TP from the the Less Than Jake show as it shoots out of a jimmy-rigged leaf blower. You never know when you might need some. 

• Take pictures. With your recent changes in, um... memory recollection, it will help you remember all the fantastic bands you saw. 

Bouncing Souls, Goldfinger, Fishbone, Reel Big Fish, Less Than Jake!

• But after a few, put that camera away and just ROCK OUT! -You've still got it! (sorta)

AFTERCARE.

There was a time you could drag your semi dead half-wasted body home and be cool by 9am the next day. That day is no more. Throw on that ultra sick, newly pressed and re-released, $10-bin-find, favorite album (maybe ever), vinyl and just be cool. You made it. And it was way worth it.