Floating

There have been times in my life when I felt like I was floating.

I'm not an artist, and I'm not even much of a doodler, but I remember exactly where I was in the summer of 2010 when I drew what it felt like. I was living in El Salvador, doing a summer internship for 3 months. It was a crazy experience for a number of reasons and I remember at the end of summer drawing a cartoon Kristen in an over-sized dish-soap-style bubble over a desert filled with threatening prickly cacti. I distinctly remember this crazy feeling of happiness, like it was too good to be true. The feeling of life being great but it all melting away any second, like an ice cube under the summer Sonoran sun.

And I'm not talking like, "Oh this is a fun weekend." I'm talking about the stuff dreams are made of. Moments when you forget you live in an imperfect world filled with responsibilities and tomorrows. Because the reality is that most days don't feel like that at all. Even the good ones.

I can remember other times since, in Grenada and Redlands, and here in Phoenix too. They are moments when life seems somehow suspended. When the happiness of the moment overtakes the uncertainty of the future, the bills of tomorrow, the sorrows of yesterday.

Hello Again

Also known as, "The Post Wherein Kristen Blogs Again and Divulges Her Darkest Secrets"

Obviously it has been a hot minute since I've been round these parts.

2017 honestly sucked a bit. 

And I can say that, because it is March now and I'm safely out of the biased, "Aww let's reminisce about past and future!" part of the new year/ January. 

In 2017 (which I may eventually post about) I started a new job, which turned into a full time+ endeavor that honestly, wreaked total havoc on my life.  There were lots of good times and fun adventures, to be sure, but it was also kind of a total s*** show. 

But anyways, let's get to the part where I tell you about my flaws and insecurities. 

Lately I have found myself increasingly anxious and irritated. I figured it was probably just because I work remote and get cabin fever being at home all day. I get sick of looking at my stupid apartment and stupid furniture and stupid everything. 

But after some thought, it dawned on me that there was likely a different contributing factor. 

My brain thinks it is time to move. Not in a metaphoric or athletic sense. My brain is trained to move at least every 2 years. Since I've been an adult, 2 years is the maximum time I have ever spent in one place. I really think my brain is ready to go through a Match, or otherwise receive a new assignment, then pack up my life and get going. 

But it's more than that. It's that I'm hungry for a fresh start. 

A few years ago this fear actually struck me, "What if I get so accustomed to moving around that I can't NOT move every couple years? What if I can never settle down?"

And here we are. So in the absence of assigned change (don't worry that comes next year). I am thinking I might make some updates to my current garage sale/thrift store/junkyard furniture. Stay tuned!